For thirty odd summers my goal has been to arrive at August in a state of - what women's magazines refer to as - ‘beach body
readiness.’ However, I have never reached this Nirvana... and my Summer holidays are usually more 'supersize' than super skinny. This Summer is no different as that little black swimsuit is shoved to the back of the wardrobe in favour of a King size bedsheet masquerading as a sarong. But the upside of wearing a supersize sarong means I don't have to worry about those holiday bulges...
On holiday, while everyone bounces around doing water sports and beach volleyball in tiny shorts, I will watch and smile from behind a rainbow cone of ice cream. I shall chew shamelessly on a large, crusty baguette and sip on something fruity as beach body fascists sweat through vigorous sit-ups in nothing but a thong and a frown. And I will marvel at their perfect bodies and even allow a little envy... but I will also wonder who's really having all the fun? As they pound the beach and breastroke 500 kilometres in the pool, they'll stop a moment to sneak a peek at the rest of us through their designer shades with barely concealed disgust... or is it envy? We all enjoy our holidays in different ways, and part of my holiday fun is not to deny myself the true pleasures of the season. And as those enviable 'beach bodies' feel the burn and ignore the cake, I will swirl my tongue round chunky monkey ice cream, wrap moist, eager lips around barbecued meat and enjoy chilled white wine with a European food mountain of nibbles. As we're off to the Sates I may even squeeze in a few American breakfasts - which to my deep joy translates for me as a full english smothered in Maple Syrup with a side of pancakes ... God Bless America!
So on holiday this year, while all those perfectly toned tums stand at the buffet table with tiny plates of green stuff I shall think; 'fair enough... you are 'beach body ready,' and you've earned it.' But here's the rub, to keep it like that you have to say 'no' while I wrap that king size sheet around me, take that plate and fill it with the most delicious, calorie-laden titbits. There'll be no denial, no portion control and no regrets as I leave that buffet. What kind of psycho eats salad anyway when there is burnt meat, stuffed potato skins and calorie-laden dips just begging to be eaten?
So if like me, you want to actually enjoy yourself by the pool this summer - forget the volleyball, grab that king size sheet and bring on the real pleasures of Summer ... and while you’re there supersize it!
On holiday, while everyone bounces around doing water sports and beach volleyball in tiny shorts, I will watch and smile from behind a rainbow cone of ice cream. I shall chew shamelessly on a large, crusty baguette and sip on something fruity as beach body fascists sweat through vigorous sit-ups in nothing but a thong and a frown. And I will marvel at their perfect bodies and even allow a little envy... but I will also wonder who's really having all the fun? As they pound the beach and breastroke 500 kilometres in the pool, they'll stop a moment to sneak a peek at the rest of us through their designer shades with barely concealed disgust... or is it envy? We all enjoy our holidays in different ways, and part of my holiday fun is not to deny myself the true pleasures of the season. And as those enviable 'beach bodies' feel the burn and ignore the cake, I will swirl my tongue round chunky monkey ice cream, wrap moist, eager lips around barbecued meat and enjoy chilled white wine with a European food mountain of nibbles. As we're off to the Sates I may even squeeze in a few American breakfasts - which to my deep joy translates for me as a full english smothered in Maple Syrup with a side of pancakes ... God Bless America!
So on holiday this year, while all those perfectly toned tums stand at the buffet table with tiny plates of green stuff I shall think; 'fair enough... you are 'beach body ready,' and you've earned it.' But here's the rub, to keep it like that you have to say 'no' while I wrap that king size sheet around me, take that plate and fill it with the most delicious, calorie-laden titbits. There'll be no denial, no portion control and no regrets as I leave that buffet. What kind of psycho eats salad anyway when there is burnt meat, stuffed potato skins and calorie-laden dips just begging to be eaten?
So if like me, you want to actually enjoy yourself by the pool this summer - forget the volleyball, grab that king size sheet and bring on the real pleasures of Summer ... and while you’re there supersize it!
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